So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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