and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
