Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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