i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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