how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
