Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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