That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
