Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
