Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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