my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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