Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
