so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
nutella sex= disaster
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
