Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
