I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
