see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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