good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
