Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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