I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
