Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
