So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
