Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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