i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
