A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
