We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
