I think I am morally bankrupt
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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