talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
