so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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