just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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