Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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