nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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