Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
COCAINE IS GR8
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize