put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
