from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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