You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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