I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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