She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
