You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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