well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
