So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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