Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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