yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
