no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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