a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
