So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
