He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So much rum. So many feels.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
