What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
