I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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