She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
