everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
