I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
