he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
