If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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