2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
