Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize