were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
