I think my fart just growled at me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
