what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize