White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
