you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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