Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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