Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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