shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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