Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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