he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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