He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
