I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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