don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
