Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
