I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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