hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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