going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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