May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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