how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
