Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
