Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
