Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
